Progress

I'm sitting here, folding laundry (well obviously not anymore, but I was before I started thinking and wanting to blog) and thinking about my New Year's resolutions. Going over the list in my head and thinking about how well I did today. And about my newest resolution to add to the list. First, let me tell you about my newest resolution. I want to live a more open and honest life. Not that I'm a liar, but I want to be less afraid to be vulnerable and exposed. I want people to know exactly who I am. I want to be exactly who I am. Because until I am truly raw and vulnerable, I cannot see the things in my life that God wants to change and improve or get rid of altogether. It is only when I completely shed the layers of fear and pride, knock down the walls around me, break through the phony picture that I can so easily put up that I will be able to see myself as God sees me and see and become the woman that He yearns for me to be.

Whew. Got that off my chest. Now onto progress for today.

*Be a more loving and understanding wife
I didn't do too bad in this area... :o/ Of course how unloving and non-understanding (?) can you be when your husband is at work for twelve hours? And he left for work around ten this morning, but before that I was a peach. A rotten disgusting peach. I woke up kinda irritable and as soon as I got the chance I poured out my grumpy little mood all over him. And when the poor guy started stuttering out of pure confusion asking what he did to upset me, I completely snapped and told him he didn't do anything and I wasn't upset but I was quickly going to get upset if he kept pestering me. Ouch. Not too loving, not even close to understanding. Very mean. I apologized. Oh and I also kissed him goodbye. :o) And I made him a meal he really likes. I'm trying here people.

*Be a more patient mother
Oh this one I nailed. I decided to be a fun mom and make cookies with the kids, which went very well and I was very patient even as Kaelyn poured all the nuts all over the counter, added one extra egg and laughed as Brandt stirred in purple crayons. Seriously, I smiled and reacted calmly, everything was dandy. Until I decided to be an even more fun mom and make a spur of the moment trip to the park before the sun went down. I was buckling everyone in the car and Kaelyn of course insists on buckling herself in and just dawdling, whining, complaining, stopping to talk about a movie, change her shoes, button and unbutton her sweater and look through a book all while not allowing me to buckle her and the sun is quickly setting before our eyes. As I played the scene in my head of us not being able to play at the park because it was dark and hearing the screeching and crying of my children in my head, I barked at Kaelyn "Get your buckle on NOW! Or I will NEVER take you to the park again!" It was a grumpy and impatient bark and Kaelyn was quite startled. A totally unrealistic threat, wrapped in an unnecessary bark, resounding with impatience. Ugghhhh... And the cookies went so well...

*Be a more attentive friend
I ignored a friend's call because my children were driving me crazy and she left the nicest message telling me about a great score she had found for me while at a sale. I didn't even call her back until we came in from playing outside. Thankfully, she's quite understanding. And apparently, very thoughtful. :o)

*Put my family first, worry less about inconveniencing others before inconveniencing my family
I did actually do this one today! Well, no one else needed me for anything and we didn't go anywhere where I had to worry about anyone else but my family, so it was quite easy to do. But I ignored that phone call for my kid's, right? And my own sanity of course...and so she didn't hear the chaos in my home and the edge in my voice... yikes.

*Get back in stellar shape after my baby comes!!
Well, the cookies we made were super healthy ones actually. Oatmeal with no butter, whole wheat flour, fruits and nuts and no extra suger. And I only ate three. ;o) But the leftover pizza slice I ate for a snack definitely did not taste low fat. I did however park a few spots from the front at the park and played with the kiddos there. And besides, baby's not here yet!

*Draw closer to God, discover Him in a new way
I skipped my devotional time this morning and instead read a verse that someone had on their FB status and "liked" it. hmmmm...

*keep my house tidier
I washed three loads of laundry and did the dishes but now I'm blogging instead of folding and putting away laundry. The playroom got the "toys in, lights off" treatment.

*keep things more organized
I scrawled the info for a bday party on a notepad on my desk instead of my "Family organizer w/stickers calendar." Four days ago. Now where did that notepad go??

*blog more
Aha! Success!!

*read more
I read a couple blogs and some recipes today

*write more
Hmmm...I meant creative type writing, I truly love to write, but no, I haven't done that yet at all.

*write handwritten notes and letters just to say hello...gotta love snail mail!
This one is actually laughable today

*paint and decorate upstairs-YIKES
As is this one

*be thankful
And boy was I ever showing how thankful I was when I sarcastically asked my poor husband when he was leaving for work again. But like I said, I apologized, kissed and cooked. ;o)

*surround myself with positive people and influences
I didn't surround myself with anyone today, but my children were definitely positive, especially in the face of mom's downfalls all day. They even told me they loved me multiple times.

*have fun ;o)
I had lots of fun with my kids today, even though I was far from the mother/wife/woman I want to be.

Well people, all I can say is I'm glad that God is willing to give me another chance, and Lord willing, I will try harder tomorrow. Hopefully my next progress report shows a little more progress, huh? And I'm sure you're wondering why on Earth I felt it worthwhile to share my less than graceful day and the fabulous flub-ups I had today? Well, because it's one of my resolutions to be more honest and open of course!
;o)